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求帮忙批改雅思大作文.Topic:Successfulsportsprofessionalscanearnagreatdealmoremoneythanpeopleinotherimportantprofessions.Somepeoplethinkthisisfullyjustifiedwhileothersthinkitisunfair.Discussboththeseviewsand
 更新时间:2024-04-24 23:28:56
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问题描述:

求帮忙批改雅思大作文.

Topic:Successfulsportsprofessionalscanearnagreatdealmoremoneythanpeopleinotherimportantprofessions.Somepeoplethinkthisisfullyjustifiedwhileothersthinkitisunfair.

Discussboththeseviewsandgiveyourownopinion.

求帮忙批改打分加评价修改.

Inthisdayandage,famoussportstarscanearnalargeamountofmoneythantheprofessionalsinotherareas,whichintriguesaheateddebateoverthistopic.

Itisarguedthatthisphenomenonisnatural.Themajorityofthesportsmanaresenttothetrainningschoolintheirchildhood,inwhichtheypracticeskillsyearafteryear.Nopains,nogains.Thesportsprofessionalssacarificetheirhappiestyoungagetoperforminthecompetitionthepeopleallovertheworldmaybeinterestedin.Itisjustifiedforthembeingcapableofmakeenoughmoney.Somepeople,however,objectitforitisunfairfortheotherprofessionals.Theyholdtheviewthatitmaycausesmoreteenagerstakepartinthesportingareainsteadoflearninghardertogetothercareers.Thoseofficersdevotethemsevestoacareerdeserveacomparativehighsalaryfortheircontributiontosociety.

AsfarasIdeem,I'mmoreinfavoroftheformerviews.Successfulsportsstarssufferedalotofpainintheirpractice.Forexample,YaoMing,afamousbasketballplayerinChina,experiencedsomesugeriesbecausehewasbadlyhurtinthesportsevent.Themoreriskandsweatertheytake,themoremoneythedeserve.

Inconclusion,itisfairforsportsmentomakesubstantialmoney,Notallkindsofcareerdemandanexcellentperformanceoftheiremployees.

看了下范文感觉写的和那种形式非常不一样,这样的可以么?

董兴业回答:
  总体还好,但是格式有些死板.而且简单的语法错误有些多,单复数,过去时.尽量不要犯这样的低级错误.
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